Caution, Bumpy road Diet Ahead

     I hate dieting!!, can I say that on here? It makes me short-tempered, unhappy and scary angry. However, if I wasn't partying gastronomically, I would not be in this situation. I feel like I need to complain to some secretary working in the office of "Thyroid Dysfunction", her sole job is to listen to complaints, no talking, just agreeing and consoling. Yaa that is the office I need, What is the number?.

     A guy cut me off in traffic today, and I saw it playing out even before it happened. He was impatient, and I am on a diet, not a good combination.  He kept nosing out, of course he is not nosing out in front of the car, in front of me. That guy has a beamer and from Connecticut too much liability. I bet we can all guess what I did? He cut out in front of me, I layed on the horn, he flipped me the bird. God, it is great to live in America!!! Land of the " Is that yours?", and "Are you in line?". 

     Instead of inventing 3-D television, don't you think healthy doughnuts are long overdue? I should stop talking about doughnuts, otherwise I might romance getting in the car, and driving across the street, because it's dark and I don't want to get run over to get doughnuts. I heard if you have a Diet Coke with it, the calories go in reverse? Ha I wish, that is my problem, I adhered to the Diet Coke rule too rigidly.

     So this new diet that takes an honorable mention to the low-fat. no-fat, no-sugar, low-sugar, all organic on a Tuesday when the moon is full. But there is one catch, that is rather attractive! This diet you have to follow just 6 days, on the 7th you can pretty much go all in.  But here are the rules. 1# no white stuff, that means flour, cheese,cereal, pasta, potatoes. 2# Don't drink your calories. 3# no fruit whatsoever.  and Hallelujah on the 7th day, you can go crazy!!. This is my kinda diet, although today I wanted to ram my car into the knucklehead that had the audacity to flip me the bird. Working good so far. Seems to me, all I need is a loaf of bread and a stick of butter.

     So now that I have turned over a forced new leaf, I want to share the ways to anger your tormentors eating without the Carbohydrate crutch. If you stopped and looked at what we shovel down our pie holes it includes lots and lots of carbohydrates. I never realized how many carbohydrates are in the supermarket, until you have to avoid them. Guess what I bought today???, nope not carrot sticks, brown rice crisps nope, I bought pork rinds!!!, yep the exact thing that 5 years ago, advertising said "Might as well eat a gallon jar of mayonnaise", haha who is laughing now?, no carbohydrates or sugars!!! I love science.

     This is not a post about eating pork rinds, because we all can. Only I just realized it a mere 2 hours ago. It is about lentils. They are a favorite of mine, and from what I hear, NOT A CARBOHYDRATE. I like lentils, and the flavor is something that I could work with. The recipe that follows is my breakfast every morning. I scramble two eggs, with some salsa and lentils and I am set. Surprisingly it holds me until lunch.

Lentils

1 package lentils (1 #)
3ozs butter
1 onion, diced
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 can diced tomatoes
8 cups chicken stock
salt and pepper to taste

In a saucepan melt butter and saute onions and garlic until onions are translucent. Add lentils and toss, add can of diced tomatoes, stir well. Add chicken stock and cook on medium low heat until lentils are soft. Season and enjoy.

     People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.~ Author Unknown