Monday, December 13, 2010

When did the mall get so sketchy?

     This week is the week for Christmas parties, hurray!! One detail though, I am not invited to any of them, in the sense of a guest, I am invited though to cook the noshings for them. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Either way, it is good to be busy!!!, its called job security.

     It was fortunate that the Northeast escaped the pounding snow that the Midwest received. The blizzard ravaged Minnesota's metrodome, punching a hole in the roof and thus causing the roof's collapse, forcing the Vikings to play their Monday game in Detroit and if you can get there the tickets are free. Vermont received a messy combination of snow, sleet, freezing rain and lastly a continuous beating of rain. Hardly, weather for that Christmas feeling to come over me.

     The hubby and I went to the mall, what a flipping waste of time that was. Let's rewind here, I am still a trusting person, thinking that everyone else in the mall, is shopping like me. One thing has changed though, THE WORLD. I was stunned by the rudeness of employees of the shops that I went into. Which, by the way, because I can not be trusted in a mall, I wandered just about everywhere.
 I remember a simpler time, when the people at the kiosks in the center of the mall, said just hi to you, and smiled. Now they are following you, invading your personal space, trying  to spray you with perfume, and hand lotion. I am easy pickings to these mall sharks!, they look at me and say to themselves, "we got a newborn, her eyes are wide open, she looks disoriented, swoop in and give her the quick change!". It worked the first time because, I was at ease, just arriving at the mall ,feeling the Christmas shopping vibe. By the time, we were ready to leave, I was irritated with my husband and he with me, I wanted to punch the next person that sprayed me with perfume, tried to shine my nails, or straighten my hair.
      What is up with pumping excessive heat into the mall. We were walking at normal pace, and by the time, that this whole excruciating experience was over, it seemed like it was 95 degrees in there, which contributed to the whole bad experience.  Not to mention that I am a complete hick and slim-shady is casing us!! Word to the wise, do not shop on the food court level, that is where the bottom suckers do business.

     While in the skateboard shop, as usual wanting to wander,  my eyes were drawn to "Bath and Body Works" right across the mall. I walked in and a skinny little employee "Lorenzo" made me feel like I was looking at porn? I felt his eyes on me the whole time, ruining my browsing mojo. Is that what shopping/browsing at the mall has come to?

     The drive home was quiet to say the least, I was still reeling over not getting a pea coat. But as we headed north, I noticed the weather had changed, from sloppy to snowy, and I felt a bit selfish, which is easy to do if you are at a "mall". As we traveled closer to home , my hubby says "what are going to eat?". I thought about that little question all the way home. My younger side said, "Wendy's, KFC, McDonald's, Taco Bell,  Burger King". My older side said, "do we have acid reducer pills?, is there really anything there that is within my dietary limits?, I am tired and those mall people pissed me off, so  I am not thinking clearly.  But, I allowed my hubby who was driving to make the decision ...and he picked Subway. Excellent decision considering it is across the street from where we live, we are tired and aggravated and Jared endorses it.

     What recipe, what recipe should I include?, if I was still enamored with the mall, it would be some silly recipe for orange Julius's or a funky cinnabon. But...because I am disenchanted with the mall it will be:

A Fat Belly Grinder

1 oz honey turkey breast
1 oz of honey cured ham
1 oz of roast beast(the kind you like)
2 ozs cooked smoked bacon
1 oz American Cheese
1 oz Swiss Cheese
1 oz good quality cheddar cheese
5 slices vine ripe tomatoes
2 ozs smoky bacon mayonnaise
2 thin slices of red onion
4 ozs baby spinach
2 ozs iceberg lettuce
3 ozs of the stuff that makes your grinder happy, i.e banana peppers, pickles, black olives and jalapenos
salt and pepper to taste
1/4 tsp of each granulated garlic, dried basil , dried oregano and red chili pepper flakes
1 good quality submarine roll, that will fit all the shizzit on it
1 prayer that nobody interrupts during the construction of said fatboy.

Stuff all above ingredients in a sub roll, before or after you wait the for the "plow guy". to dig you out of your Winter Wonderland casualty. Living in the Northeast, I have expertise in this field. Better yet, turn on the oven and toast the meat and cheese with the bread, until nice and toasty, then add vegetable. Enjoy with a made for tv Lifetime movie.

Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout lane. ~Ann Landers



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